American life in New York and French life in the south of France might not seem all that different at first glance. However, nothing can prepare you for the hardship of asking for legal status to live and work in another country.

My experience has been filled with challenges, learning experiences, and ultimately, immense rewards. In this blog, I share my personal story of navigating them. My aim is to merely entertain and add some perspective for those who have yet to decide if the Mediterranean lifestyle is worth it.

The French government is a behemoth of an administrative machine. I cannot stress enough that what you are about to read is my personal testament. If you are seriously interested in joining me, you need to guide yourself not by my anecdotal experience, but by an official French source. Even better would be the specific city’s prefecture’s website where you desire to set down your roots.

Pardon my French, Learn the language

Before you dig in, please know this: learning the language is incredibly important. It will not only allow you to ask insightful questions, but it will also strengthen your case throughout your integration process. My French was very limited, like Joey from Friends, which would have made things impossible. So, I started learning the language and, in the meantime, relied on my native French-speaking girlfriend for help.

Chapter 1: THE DECISION

I spent a magnificent second half of my 20s in New York City. I loved it there, but then the global pandemic hit. The uncertainty and the need to adjust to a new normal scared me. But, I wasn’t alone “more than 300,000 New Yorkers had bailed from the Big Apple” [New York Post, 2020]. The bars, great restaurants, movie theaters, and all sorts of businesses synonymous with the city were put into a kind of self-induced coma, told to wait and see. Off I went across the Hudson River to West New York, New Jersey. Looking out at the New York City skyline from there, it hit me: I really made the most of my time in NYC. It truly was ‘one hell of a town’. Now was an excellent time to chase down my dream of living life abroad and learning a new language.

So, I decided to start with a note (actual note below) of why a move to the south of France seemed realistic.

I couldn’t think of any reasons against it. And lucky me, I had a golden ticket in a legal way to live and work there through the nationality of my French girlfriend.

So I made an appointment at Le Consulat général de France à New York, located on 5th Ave in the Upper West Side to get Pacs’d.¹

Surprisingly, that part was easier than expected. It helped that we had already been living together for five years and had the documentation to prove it (bills, plane tickets, vacation rentals, etc.).

At the same time, I scheduled an appointment to obtain a 12-month Long Stay Visa – residence permit (VLS-TS) at TLSContact, formerly known as VFS global. It’s like the DMV for expats. 

CHAPTER 2: RED FLAGS

Once everything was sorted out, I arrived in France as a long-stay visitor in October 2021. Well on my way to begin my new chapter in France.

The year came and went, and I confidently went to open my laptop to apply for a status change from a tourist to a member of a family of a French national (or so I thought). First red flag, I couldn’t complete the change online and when compiling my dossier, I realized I didn’t properly validate my VLS-TS. So my OFII medical visit that I was hearing about online was never triggered, and also the civics class with free French lessons.

Second red flag, I was denied a status change. Which is not what I was told would happen in the blog. Third, fourth and fifth red flags followed: why was I still using a blog? I never double checked with the office that gatekeeps the whole process! And they would have said this wasn’t standard, according to them I should’ve just applied for the visa I wanted in the first place.

Although, the visa that I wanted (vie privée et familiale), you need to have been in France for a period longer than 3 months to qualify. But to be in France longer than 3 months, you need a long-stay visa. Hence the need for a status change. Anyway, back to the story.

CHAPTER 3: BOMBARDED

The prefecture appointment was scheduled for the very day my visa was set to expire. The appointment itself was entirely in French, and while I had picked up enough of the language to be dangerous, it turned out to be a small advantage. At the time, it felt like wasted effort. Being in that stressful situation, trying not to misspeak amidst the rapid-fire French and bureaucratic jargon, made it difficult to think clearly. I mostly just responded with “ok,” “d’accord,” and “oui, madame.” I was doing my best, but it didn’t feel sufficient.

I left that appointment feeling disappointed and, worse, uncertain about when or even if I’d be called back. For the next year, my girlfriend and I made calls and drafted emails, hoping that persistence would pay off.

CHAPTER 4: SQUEAKY WHEEL

Finally, I received another appointment at the préfecture – the one I had been waiting for, where I could again demonstrate my commitment and willingness to do whatever it took to live out my dream.

At the end of this second appointment, I was given a récépissé (a receipt for the visa application), which meant I was legally in the country again, out of legal limbo, and would eventually be able to work!

In the end, the entire delay lasted about a year and a half. During that time, staying optimistic wasn’t easy, though I tried to remain as active as possible. To this day, I’m not entirely sure about the reason for the delay, especially since my French was not very good. Besides the excuse of a COVID-related backlog, I vaguely remember the representative saying something that implied I was suspicious. I don’t recall the exact words, but it was something like, “tu as grillé le système” (you’ve burned the system).

My message to you : Try to LEARN THE LANGUAGE!

Bonus content:

In conclusion, being extremely clinical, like making spreadsheets to organize documents allowed me to feel ready and confident. That said, the hardest part of all of this was breaking the news to my coworkers/friends and family.

You don’t realize how much a decision like this affects others until you include them in the conversation. I learned the sooner you do the better. It will always go down as one of the biggest decisions made in my life. Was it hard? Yes, was it worth it? Yes!

You will find below the actual spreadsheet I used to organize everything from getting Pacs’d to a Visa.

Ciao ciao

Chandler

Disclaimer Again: This sheets is NOT to serve as the real GUIDE to your visa and Pacs, but to help get you started. All links are active at the time of writing this.

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1. To be PACS’d is what we Americans call a civil union, however it is only recognized in France. ↩︎